In the past, I often told myself, “I’m not controlling, I’m just being clear.” But the truth is, a leadership style that dominates and dictates does more harm than good. Many people view control as an asset, or think it’s typical for certain personality types, but that’s simply not true. The dynamic between leaders and employees is about trust and collaboration, not control.
Some people do well under a controlling leader – maybe because they don’t have to think for themselves and feel safe when someone else makes decisions. These are often people with low self-esteem. But the last thing they need is someone to solve their problems for them. A good leader doesn’t deliver solutions, but rather has the skill to bring them out of their team.
The first step for me was to acknowledge that the problem was mine. I had to realize that I was the one who needed to change – not those around me. By accepting this and working on breaking my need for control, I was able to truly improve my leadership.
When I give talks, I often ask the audience, “Is anyone here like me, and can relate to having control issues?” Many hands go up, often followed by nervous laughter. But just because we share this trait doesn’t make it healthy.
Self-awareness and acceptance are the first steps to leaving destructive shortcomings behind and becoming a better leader.
Have a brilliant day!
Ulf Lidman
